The Uncertain Future

Right now studying for exams, it is extremely difficult not to think of the future and where I'll be this time next year.  I graduate next May and still have no idea what career path I'll end up taking or even what the right decision is for me.  I've always had a hard time making decisions; I just want someone to tell me what the perfect job would be for me and how to go about getting it. 

Throughout my college experience, law school has always been something in the back of my mind as an option if something else didn't fall into my lap.  At this point, law school is most likely in the plans for my future, but not immediately after I graduate.  I only have class two days a week next semester so hopefully studying for the LSAT and pushing myself to make a decision will help solidify whether it is or isn't the right path for me to take.  I'm enrolled in various law-based classes at the moment and it's hard to back up my occasional interest in law school when so many studies say that the opportuniites afforded to law school graduates today are not what they were years ago.  Law school could potentially be a very expensive and time consuming mistake, so I hope to be 100% certain that it's the path for me before I make any serious commitment.

My major is sociology and all of my courses have always interested me and, in particular, the classes with an emphasis on the criminal justice system and its counterparts.  This summer I will be staying in Madison and completing an internship for the Criminal Justice Certificate that I am fulfilling along with my sociology degreee.  I've applied for four different programs with an emphasis on the juvenile correctional system.  I think that the amount of crimes committed among today's youth and the way that they are treated in the criminal justice system is a huge problem and something that I'd like to have a role in changing.  I'm really excited for my internship this summer and hope that it is another factor that helps in my career decision.

In the mean time, I'm trying to stay in the present, finish my exams, and save the extra stresses for my month long hiatus where career searching should be my number one prority.  I hope that a year from today, I will not be in the same place I am today, wondering what the future has in store for me with no idea what I actually want for myself.  My goal for next semester is to explore as many opportunities as possible and really open myself up to all of my options, in order to determine how to  incorporate my passions in life into a career field.  Whether I end up with a job in community corrections, in grad school, or law school, I have hope that I will eventually figure it all out.  Even if it's not in the near future, I know that I have time to explore my options in order to get me to where I belong and what I'm meant to do.

Looking Back..

One year ago today things were looking drastically different from the future decisions that confront me in the present.  I was anxiously attempting to finish up my exams, while trying to work as many hours as possible so that I could fund the four month vacation I was preparing to embark upon in London.  Other than my limited financial status, the reality that I would soon be spending the next semester in London hadn't quite hit me yet.

With finals over I returned home with thoughts only on spending time with my family and friends that I had missed all semester.  It wasn't until after New Years that I finally faced the realization that I would be an entire ocean away from my family, friends, and everything familiar to me in just a few days.  With each coming day I got more and more nervous for my upcoming trip.

I spent hours attempting to search for my fellow program participants on facebook and came to the conclusion that most of them seemed weird and that I wouldn't make any friends while I was there.  I was basically a nervous wreck.  Avoiding packing and talking about the upcoming departure day was my way of escaping reality and refusing to face my growing anxiety.  My mind kept flashing back to the miserable month I spent at the University of Iowa my first semester of college and how I wished nothing more, but to come back home to where all of my friends and family were.  These thoughts left me angry with myself because applying to study abroad was one way for me to prove to myself that I could push my boundaries and experience something completely new and foreign to me.

The day before I left for the airport was by far the most stressful point in my preparations.  In typical Lizzie fashion, I left packing until the day before.  I'm a complete hoarder and over-packer so packing a suitcase is nothing that has ever come easily to me (as a youth I even packed a full size stapler, jumbo coloring box, and tape dispenser for my two hour flight to Florida).  My courageous sister assisted in my packing chaos, in which we piece-by-piece went through my clothing attempting to choose the bare necessities for my trip.  Each item of clothing that got tossed into the "stay home" pile tore at my heartstrings.  After hours of packing and rolling my clothes into the smallest balls you could ever imagine (it allows you to fit MUCH more), I was ready to go, or so I thought.

The next day was one of the most stressful of my life.  I've taken many trips and flights throughout my life, but never have I traveled alone.  The thought of traveling completely alone to London and somehow finding my way to my flat petrified me.  For this reason, I made certain through the UW Madison Study Abroad group on facebook that I would be traveling with other people.  However, on that fortunate day, for some unknown reason, my flight was set back hours and I would not even be able to get into London until after check-in and orientation.  My frazzled and stressful mom called me repeatedly throughout the day, warning me that I would have to travel alone if I could not find someone to travel with.  I thought, how the heck am I supposed to find someone to travel with when I don't remotely know anyone who was going to London with me?

Somehow, once again through Casey's brilliant facebook group, I found Katie Trokey and my mom (who's a travel agent) got us both on the same flight so we were set to arrive in London together.  On the drive to the Chicago airport, I was completely silent with hundreds of  terrifying thoughts flying through my mind.  My mom insisted to the airport attendent that she walk me through security, like a six year old, until I was able to meet up with Katie.  Upon meeting Katie, I was immediately reassured and grateful for her presence because had she not been there, I would have most likely burst into tears the moment my mom turned away and headed back out of the airport. 

Looking back on all of the fear and irrationality that possessed me those days before London I can now laugh at how foolish and unnecessary all of my concerns were.  I was immediately able to meet friends in the program and eventually got to know every single person I traveled there with.  Today, when I am studying for exams and feeling the growing doom of career decisions closing in on me, I am jealous of my life a year ago and wishing more than anything that I was packing my bags for London (and bringing much more stuff!)