One year ago today things were looking drastically different from the future decisions that confront me in the present. I was anxiously attempting to finish up my exams, while trying to work as many hours as possible so that I could fund the four month vacation I was preparing to embark upon in London. Other than my limited financial status, the reality that I would soon be spending the next semester in London hadn't quite hit me yet.
With finals over I returned home with thoughts only on spending time with my family and friends that I had missed all semester. It wasn't until after New Years that I finally faced the realization that I would be an entire ocean away from my family, friends, and everything familiar to me in just a few days. With each coming day I got more and more nervous for my upcoming trip.
I spent hours attempting to search for my fellow program participants on facebook and came to the conclusion that most of them seemed weird and that I wouldn't make any friends while I was there. I was basically a nervous wreck. Avoiding packing and talking about the upcoming departure day was my way of escaping reality and refusing to face my growing anxiety. My mind kept flashing back to the miserable month I spent at the University of Iowa my first semester of college and how I wished nothing more, but to come back home to where all of my friends and family were. These thoughts left me angry with myself because applying to study abroad was one way for me to prove to myself that I could push my boundaries and experience something completely new and foreign to me.
The day before I left for the airport was by far the most stressful point in my preparations. In typical Lizzie fashion, I left packing until the day before. I'm a complete hoarder and over-packer so packing a suitcase is nothing that has ever come easily to me (as a youth I even packed a full size stapler, jumbo coloring box, and tape dispenser for my two hour flight to Florida). My courageous sister assisted in my packing chaos, in which we piece-by-piece went through my clothing attempting to choose the bare necessities for my trip. Each item of clothing that got tossed into the "stay home" pile tore at my heartstrings. After hours of packing and rolling my clothes into the smallest balls you could ever imagine (it allows you to fit MUCH more), I was ready to go, or so I thought.
The next day was one of the most stressful of my life. I've taken many trips and flights throughout my life, but never have I traveled alone. The thought of traveling completely alone to London and somehow finding my way to my flat petrified me. For this reason, I made certain through the UW Madison Study Abroad group on facebook that I would be traveling with other people. However, on that fortunate day, for some unknown reason, my flight was set back hours and I would not even be able to get into London until after check-in and orientation. My frazzled and stressful mom called me repeatedly throughout the day, warning me that I would have to travel alone if I could not find someone to travel with. I thought, how the heck am I supposed to find someone to travel with when I don't remotely know anyone who was going to London with me?
Somehow, once again through Casey's brilliant facebook group, I found Katie Trokey and my mom (who's a travel agent) got us both on the same flight so we were set to arrive in London together. On the drive to the Chicago airport, I was completely silent with hundreds of terrifying thoughts flying through my mind. My mom insisted to the airport attendent that she walk me through security, like a six year old, until I was able to meet up with Katie. Upon meeting Katie, I was immediately reassured and grateful for her presence because had she not been there, I would have most likely burst into tears the moment my mom turned away and headed back out of the airport.
Looking back on all of the fear and irrationality that possessed me those days before London I can now laugh at how foolish and unnecessary all of my concerns were. I was immediately able to meet friends in the program and eventually got to know every single person I traveled there with. Today, when I am studying for exams and feeling the growing doom of career decisions closing in on me, I am jealous of my life a year ago and wishing more than anything that I was packing my bags for London (and bringing much more stuff!)
With finals over I returned home with thoughts only on spending time with my family and friends that I had missed all semester. It wasn't until after New Years that I finally faced the realization that I would be an entire ocean away from my family, friends, and everything familiar to me in just a few days. With each coming day I got more and more nervous for my upcoming trip.
I spent hours attempting to search for my fellow program participants on facebook and came to the conclusion that most of them seemed weird and that I wouldn't make any friends while I was there. I was basically a nervous wreck. Avoiding packing and talking about the upcoming departure day was my way of escaping reality and refusing to face my growing anxiety. My mind kept flashing back to the miserable month I spent at the University of Iowa my first semester of college and how I wished nothing more, but to come back home to where all of my friends and family were. These thoughts left me angry with myself because applying to study abroad was one way for me to prove to myself that I could push my boundaries and experience something completely new and foreign to me.
The day before I left for the airport was by far the most stressful point in my preparations. In typical Lizzie fashion, I left packing until the day before. I'm a complete hoarder and over-packer so packing a suitcase is nothing that has ever come easily to me (as a youth I even packed a full size stapler, jumbo coloring box, and tape dispenser for my two hour flight to Florida). My courageous sister assisted in my packing chaos, in which we piece-by-piece went through my clothing attempting to choose the bare necessities for my trip. Each item of clothing that got tossed into the "stay home" pile tore at my heartstrings. After hours of packing and rolling my clothes into the smallest balls you could ever imagine (it allows you to fit MUCH more), I was ready to go, or so I thought.
The next day was one of the most stressful of my life. I've taken many trips and flights throughout my life, but never have I traveled alone. The thought of traveling completely alone to London and somehow finding my way to my flat petrified me. For this reason, I made certain through the UW Madison Study Abroad group on facebook that I would be traveling with other people. However, on that fortunate day, for some unknown reason, my flight was set back hours and I would not even be able to get into London until after check-in and orientation. My frazzled and stressful mom called me repeatedly throughout the day, warning me that I would have to travel alone if I could not find someone to travel with. I thought, how the heck am I supposed to find someone to travel with when I don't remotely know anyone who was going to London with me?
Somehow, once again through Casey's brilliant facebook group, I found Katie Trokey and my mom (who's a travel agent) got us both on the same flight so we were set to arrive in London together. On the drive to the Chicago airport, I was completely silent with hundreds of terrifying thoughts flying through my mind. My mom insisted to the airport attendent that she walk me through security, like a six year old, until I was able to meet up with Katie. Upon meeting Katie, I was immediately reassured and grateful for her presence because had she not been there, I would have most likely burst into tears the moment my mom turned away and headed back out of the airport.
Looking back on all of the fear and irrationality that possessed me those days before London I can now laugh at how foolish and unnecessary all of my concerns were. I was immediately able to meet friends in the program and eventually got to know every single person I traveled there with. Today, when I am studying for exams and feeling the growing doom of career decisions closing in on me, I am jealous of my life a year ago and wishing more than anything that I was packing my bags for London (and bringing much more stuff!)
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